


How to Rebuild

by galacticheroines



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff, Not Canon Compliant - Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23094565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galacticheroines/pseuds/galacticheroines
Summary: Ben Solo is alive--barely. Rey saves him from Exegol, and the two journey back to Ajan Kloss, the rebel base. An exhausted Rey meets an unwelcoming crew of rebels, all unwilling to save the former Supreme Leader.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	1. The Afterward

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! This is my first fic...ever. I'd love to hear your comments on the work and also any suggestions/corrections you may have! I'm somewhat new to the star wars fandom, so there may be some errors along the way.
> 
> I also realize that this isn't exactly an original fic idea, but I couldn't stop imagining the moment when Rey realizes that Ben is still alive, and how the other rebels would feel about having to save him. So: I decided to write my own clumsy happy ending, in which the two will eventually find a space where they both can exist in this world. I'm planning to continue this story for a few chapters at least. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!

When Rey woke up, the world around her was eerily silent.

She remembered a bright light; she remembered the dark eyes of her grandfather; she remembered a searing pain—one that begin in her head and spread everywhere. She remembered giving in and collapsing. 

And then—a kiss. A life-affirming, life-redeeming kiss. She didn’t remember anything about the kiss, only that it had happened, and then at last the pain that she had lived with, the intense ripples in the force that seems to surround her, suffocate her, choke her—all of it was gone. She remembered the smiling face of Ben. She hadn’t seen that look on him before, and she quite liked it. 

But the effort of it all had broken something down inside him. She knew it first, feeling the half-life that was within in, fearing when he collapsed onto her shoulder. He was motionless and silent, but he was still there. She felt it. She waited, bracing herself for movement though her body was screaming with pain. She kissed his forehead softly. She tried to lift him, to carry him out of this place—off this planet. The effort of it made her cry out. She couldn’t move him; she could barely move herself. She felt the tears as they made their way down her cheeks (all the pain, all the exhaustion, all the energy ripped from her). 

But she couldn’t lose him. She had been alone too long; he had been trapped in his rage for decades. There was so much more to their story, she knew that…she believed that. She needed her family to get through this next part.

She tried to lift him again, to half-success. Stumbling, she rested his head against her shoulder, and the two hobbled out of the ruins of Exegol. Above them, the sky was a horrible greyish blue, split open by the battle, but littered everywhere with ships she recognized. If she had had any energy left, she would have smiled. 

*

When she landed on Ajan Kloss, she tore her seatbelt off her. All around her were docked pilot’s ships and uniforms of all sorts—medics, pilots, and military officers all huddled in celebration. People were recounting their close-escape, mourning the friends they had lost, and looking to the future. They had never really thought about what they would do in the new world they had created for themselves. Rey cut through all that, exiting Luke’s old ship and screaming out, “I NEED A MEDIC! SOMEONE GET ME A MEDIC!” The celebration had quieted as her ship had arrived, and so someone near must have heard her. A woman dressed in white rushed over, “Yes? Are you hurt?”

“It’s not me, it’s…” She motioned to the figure lodged in the back seat of the ship. Frankly, his broken form looked dead. He didn’t move, he didn’t speak, but Rey knew he was breathing. 

The medic looked shocked. She didn’t move either, though Rey was screaming at her to help them. Out from a huddle of pilot uniforms, Poe raced through. “Rey, what is it?!” He held onto her shoulder. 

She was crying again, she noted absently. She pleaded, “Save him. Please. Save him and let me explain.”

Poe looked between the still-frozen medic and Rey’s broken features. He called out a few names, and some other white uniforms came running up. “Save now, questions later. Let’s move, people!” 

Rey had meant to rush up to Ben, to help him out and see him through to the medical unit, but there was a swarm of uniforms and she got lost in them. She reached for his hand as his body was carried from her and sobbed when he squeezed her fingers back. She hurried to accompany him, but Poe pulled her back. “You need to explain why I’m using my people and my resources to save the Supreme Leader, and you need to explain that to me right now.”

Finn rushed up to them, running through the crowd and sputtering out, “Guys, I think—did you see—I think?!” Rey looked at him and caught his confusion in a hug. She pulled back. 

“It’s Ben. Kylo Ren is dead.”

Poe grimaced, “I really don’t think I can allow his alter-ego to live, Rey.”

She stepped back, “It’s not his alter-ego. It’s him. He is the light side of Kylo, brought out through the pain and the suffering of years of abuse and negligence. I saw it in him, long ago, and Leia died to bring it back to the surface. He’s changed, Poe. I know it.”

Finn gawked, “And how do we know he won’t change again? Rey, this is dangerous. He needs to be tried, locked up, kept away from us.”

Rey hardened and spoke slowly, “I’m not going to abandon him. The light in Ben lives so long as we stay together, stop fighting. The emperor is dead. There is peace again in the galaxy and we can keep it that way.”

There had been a small crowd slowly forming around the trio, all intent on listening in. Finn stared at Poe, “You’re not going to allow this? He’s a murderer!” 

Poe looked around at the scared and angry faces of the crowd. He said, “We’re going to save his life, because we’re the good guys. We’ll talk about what happens next when he can join in the conversation.”

No one looked quite happy with that arrangement, but the group dismantled, all murmuring their opinions and their fears. Rey stared at Poe, “I…”

He sighed, pulling the two of them into a hug, “Thanks for saving our skins. We did this together. We need to stay together.” They breathed for a moment just like that, the three of them sharing the feeling that anything that happens now, they would tackle together. 

Rey didn’t have the time nor the effort still in her to recount all that had happened on Exegol. Instead, she let the two men go from their hug and she said simply, “Ben and I…we’re a dyad in the force.” She remembered the words that he had once said to her, “Two that are one. I can’t leave him.” Her face steeled, and both Finn and Poe knew that look well.

She was then free to rush to the medical unit where they were keeping Ben, not caring about the stares and whispers that followed her there. She saw dejectedly that two men with blasters had already been positioned by the medical unit. She mused that they probably weren’t guarding who went in—more like who left. She pushed through and saw Ben’s gurney underneath a cluster of uniforms and medical devices. She waited a safe distance away, not wanting to disrupt their process but needing to feel Ben to know that he was still alive. She stood in all her dried blood and sweat and grime. A passing medic noticed her and rushed up to her. “Rey, please, let me clean you up.”

She tried to brush her off, “I’m fine, really, I don’t need…” but the medic was insistent. As she was gently swept away from Ben’s gurney, she thought out to him: I won’t leave you. 

There was a silence. A moment passed before she was sitting on a light blue cushion, having her forehead scar examined, and heard his voice respond faintly: Thank you. 

Finally, Rey allowed herself to smile. She let the medic stitch her back together again.


	2. Reliving It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben Solo wakes up in a medical unit to the faces of the Resistance peering down at him; he has quite a few questions to answer, but finds himself unable to justify the brutal actions of the Supreme Leader.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for all the interactions with my last chapter! I really appreciate the support, and it definitely keeps me motivated to write more. As always, I would love any corrections or suggestions moving forward. 
> 
> I know the process of forgiveness for such horrid acts would be impossible, so I'm hoping I handled this topic with the sensitivity it needs.

Ben woke in a panic, his eyes darting open and his mind racing. He wasn’t quite sure where he was—it was some sort of pod, he thought, based on the clear dome over his head. He was stripped down, and there were tubes jutting out from just about everywhere. He couldn’t see anything else, only the dark walls and the amber lighting above him. He didn’t think he was dead, but the last thing he remembered was Rey’s smile. He closed his eyes, again, trying to keep that memory on replay. Sure, her lips were charred and cut like his, and when he had reached up to touch his face, he had only made it even more dirty with all the dirt from his fingers, but the memory itself was perfectly his own to relive and relive and relive. 

And then the beeping started. He didn’t know where it was coming from, but it was loud and obtrusive. He grimaced with the sound, opening his eyes to see Rey above him, looking frantic. This Rey was slightly different from his memory; this Rey was bandaged and wiped clean, wearing an orange cloak he hadn’t seen on her before. She appeared at the edges of his vision, and she clasped his hand. 

He was smiling at her, but she didn’t share in the expression. She looked worried. “Ben, I tried to hold them off, but they have you connected to every machine in here. I swear they’re alerted when you even breathe. You need to rest. You need… How are you feeling?” Her last sentence didn’t help with the worrying expression.

He tried to speak, and found he had to clear his throat before any real sound came out. When it did, his voice through the dome sounded far away and odd, even to him. 

And then the door burst open, and people he had never seen before flooded into the room. None of them looked very pleased to see him alive. “We’ve got some questions for you,” Finn snarled, a somewhat nasty expression on his face. He added, mockingly, “Supreme Leader.”

Ben groaned. 

Rey rose from her position beside his bed. She leveled her gaze with Finn’s, “Allow him the dignity of getting dressed. Then he’ll eat, and then we can hold a meeting. I won’t have you bombard him before then.” 

Ben wondered at Rey before him, not sure when Rey had taken on his role as his protector, his defender. He thought that he quite liked that, too. He liked how her voice got fiery. He liked that she fought for him. He promised himself he would always do the same for her, but thought it was best in this moment to remain silent. 

Thankfully, Rose spoke up. She moved out from the crowd, grabbing hold of Finn’s arm to hold him back. She spoke confidently and peacefully, “That we can do. We’ll leave you two for now, but we’ll be meeting at 0:1800 in the conference room in the north barracks.” There was general assent, and Rey nodded. 

Rey stepped toward Rose, looking genuinely relieved to have found a sane voice in all the fury. “Thank you.”

Rose nodded, and the group gradually disbanded, until it was just Rey and Ben alone in the room again. It was a small room, but smaller than Ben would expect the medical unit to be. It also wasn’t the room he was initially placed in. He supposed he had been moved for ‘safety reasons’. He wondered, as the group left, if any of them would wait by the door. He wondered who was watching him. 

But it was just him in the room now, and Rey again appeared at the edge of his vision, standing over his pod. “Ben, I’m sorry, but we have to get you ready.” She said it slowly, sounding as if she were genuinely sorry. Ben wanted to assure her that it was okay, that everything would be okay now and moving forward, but he could hardly get words out. It came in a low groan. 

With a click and a hiss, Rey unhatched the pod from around him. He felt the tubes leaving his body, and absently realized that he was only in his black briefs. Rey, if she took notice, didn’t say anything. She held his hand in hers bracingly, “We’re going to get up now,” and counted him off until, with great effort, the two propelled him up to a seated position. Slowly, he was able to swing to the side of the bed, his long legs touching the solid ground. 

Rey was holding both his hands now, and they were looking at each other. He was cold, and confused, and wanted desperately to lay back down. He wanted Rey to join him on the cot. He supposed the energy between them was different now, because though he hadn’t even formed the thought into words, Rey seemed to respond when she said, “There will be time for all of that later.” She adjusted a piece of his sweaty and dirty hair, tucking it behind his ears. She helped him rise to his feet. 

On the bedside table were clothes that Rey had laid out for him, found from somewhere in the rebel base. He didn’t have to ask for her help, she just gave it. She helped him with the green cowl neck sweater she had found, gently raising his arms and pulling his hair out from under its folds when it was caught. She then crouched, helping him step into long, dark jeans. She didn’t seem embarrassed or demeaned by the task. She buttoned them for him, and he breathed a long sigh. He felt utterly useless, and drained, and again craved the pod he had come from. 

She clasped his hand again, “We need to get some food in you,” and, still holding it, tugged him toward the door. 

He refused to move, which, having not expected it, caused her to careen backwards. She turned to him pleadingly, “Ben, please, we have to cooperate with them.” He thought again that she looked worried—too worried. Stressed. And, more than anything, tired. He preferred her smiling. 

Ben had been without love in his life for so long. He didn’t know what it felt like to be cared for, or he couldn’t remember. Either way, he relished in each touch of their hands, in the way she thanklessly dressed him. He thought, at first, that the act would make him cry from relief, but he didn’t. He realized that he just wanted to be held. He put his arms around Rey’s torso gently, as if asking if it was okay. She nodded, pulling him into a hug. He breathed her in, again thinking about how grateful he was to be able to wrap his arms around her. He pulled back, only a little, to see her face. 

She was searching his eyes. There was so much unsaid between them. Ben went first: “You have done,” and the words were slow, and they were hard, and they hurt his throat to get out, but he got them out, “so much for me.”

“There’s still so much I want to ask you.” She said, and her eyes looked hungry even though she knew they were on a time limit and they had a horde of people outside waiting for them. “So much I want to tell you.” 

Ben nodded. He wanted to kiss her, but though he felt her feelings toward him, he had promised himself that now he would be careful with Rey. He wouldn’t just take what he wanted. “Can I kiss you?” He whispered. 

In response, she leaned upward, and the two shared a slow and sweet kiss. It was different than the one on Exegol; it wasn’t desperate; it wasn’t stolen. Rey pulled back, and Ben said, “I hate the green.” 

Rey laughed, surprising herself with the sound, and the two left the room hand in hand. 

*

Ben and Rey entered into an already packed room. It looked like a board meeting; there was a long table extending in a circle around the room and chairs littered throughout. All the chairs were full, save for the two closest to the door. Rey had almost expected the room to be arranged like a court, a trial set to start immediately. Her eyes found Finn, Poe, and Rose, all huddled together somewhere within the circle. She wished they had seated themselves beside her and Ben. She couldn’t help but feel like things couldn’t be the same between them again, and the thought pained her. 

She took a deep breath, looking to Ben to reassure him, but found that he was already looking at her. She couldn’t read his expression. She tried to nod, and the two sat down, Rey still holding Ben’s hand and watching him waver with the effort of sitting.

As they did, Poe stood. His opening words made Rey breathe out a shaky breath. “This is not a formal trial. We’re here to talk to Rey and…” He paused, stammering in a fashion very unlike Poe, “and Ben Solo. Guys, the more you tell us, the better. We want to understand what happened on Exegol.”

So they told them—or, more accurately, Rey recounted everything she could remember, from her moment with Luke’s force ghost to when all the Jedi came to her to lend her their strength. When she revealed who her grandfather was, there were some hands that clasped some mouths, but altogether everyone remained silent.

She repeated Luke’s words again. “I know that everyone here is scared.” She said. “The battle is won, and we’re still scared.” She didn’t look at Ben when she said it. “But confronting fear is the destiny of the Jedi. You aren’t all Jedi; some of you are force sensitive, some of you are just part of the force, but your courage and your sacrifice is the reason we won. Fear will only divide us. I’m asking you,” She said, and she looked around to everyone transfixed on her words, “I’m asking you to overcome your fear with me.” 

No one spoke. She didn’t know if her words had worked but recollecting the mentally and physically exhausting battle with the Emperor, and her lineage, and all the voices that had come to her had renewed the pain and the loss that she felt. She knew it was positive, that they had won and all, but she couldn’t help but feel the weight of all they had lost in the process. Of everyone they had lost. 

Ben cleared his throat to speak, and Rey’s head snapped up from where she had been staring off at the crowd. “I am not the person I was before Rey. The darkness in me is gone. Rey and I are Jedi; we can be useful to the Republic, especially in its early stages.” 

There was an eruption of voices speaking over each other, asking questions of Ben that he found impossible to answer. Questions like, “Why did you kill Han?” and “Is it true that you murdered Snoke?” He couldn’t relive what he had gone through, not yet. To talk about the actions of the Supreme Leader appeared to him like speaking of another person. This wasn’t a peaceful discussion, Ben realized. This wasn’t some sort of meeting where they could speak about the future, about how to rebuild and assemble a Republic that would actually last. No, this was a kind of interrogation. They wanted him to go over every mistake he had ever made, every brutal thing he had ever one. They wanted justification for acts that there could be no justification for. 

Someone leaned forward in their chair. Rey didn’t recognize him, but he had sandy hair and intense blue eyes. He looked like he had lost something, or someone, and his voice rose above all the rest. “What do you expect?” His words were like venom. “Are we supposed to forgive you, all because you changed your name? Guys,” he looked around, aghast, “this is Kylo Ren.”

The name had a visceral reaction on Ben. He shuddered. He didn’t wait for anyone to respond. He spat out: “My name is Ben Solo, and I’m not here to beg your forgiveness.”

“So you’re unwilling to cooperate?” Finn questioned, his voice seeming to enjoy the process.

“I need a recess.” Ben mumbled as he rose from his chair. His anger made his pain stable, and he swung open the door to leave the room. 

Rey caught the door before it closed. She said to the crowd, “We’ll be back,” and followed Ben out. She heard the rise of voices on her way out. When the door closed behind her and she looked around, she couldn’t see where he had gone.


	3. Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finds Ben in a bathroom, pitched over the sink and thinking about the ghost of Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this chapter allows some of you to escape from the craziness of the world for a bit. And thanks again for all your feedback, it really does make my day!

Ben was pitched over the sink in the men’s bathroom, clutching the sides of the basin until his fingers turned white. Not that he had had much colour regained in them to begin with, but the world around him felt more unsteady than ever. He had run into the first bathroom he saw, feeling sure that he would empty whatever contents were in his stomach. He was wrong. Instead, he just stared at his own reflection, trying to reconcile the man that stared back with the reflection he knew too well. 

But Kylo Ren wasn’t a reflection any longer; he was a shadow. He knew that his ghost would haunt his every action, especially while here at the rebel base. He knew it would be hung over him to be scrutinized. But he also knew that he couldn’t be there for that examination. In order to move forward, he must move past it. He remembered words that had once come out of his mouth, back when he urged Rey to let the past die. He had killed Kylo Ren. Well, Rey had. But some deaths are cleaner than others. 

He forced himself to focus on his breath, to steady his heart. His fingers ached to rip the basin off the pipes, to punch the mirror in front of him, to make a mess of the place. He had the thought that such actions would be attributed to Kylo Ren, to someone who couldn’t control their rage. He would be in control. A few breaths later and he was able to recognize more than just his own presence. It was strange, he thought, that Rey was always at the corners of his mind. He had been too consumed with his own rage and ambition to sense her there before, but he liked to think that she had always been there. Her presence was separate from his, in some ways, but he still recognized what she was feeling.

There was too much worry. Recognizing emotion outside of his own allowed him to stand upright and let go of the sink. He looked around fully for the first time. The bathroom was very different from how the First Order had maintained theirs. This was just a collection of four rusted-metal cubicles, and the sink he was in front of was one of two. It looked disgusting, but imbued Ben with a respect for the rebel cause. They had defeated the First Order, not with fancy weapons or bases, but with the strength of them coming together. 

There was a place for him. He knew there was a place for him. But this wasn’t it. 

He steadied himself and took another breath. He moved toward the door, already knowing that when did, Rey would be on the other side.

*  
She was staring at him. It was altogether too easy to find the person you were inherently bound to. Rey had simply reached out, opening her recognition to beyond herself. There was fear in the room behind her, but she wasn’t going that way. She searched for the tinges of loneliness and she found Ben. 

It was just the two of them in the hallway. There was a softness and a certainty in Ben’s voice when he said, “You’re going to make me go back in there.”

The corners of Rey’s mouth raised. “Funny—I was going to say that we can’t go back in there.” 

Ben reached for Rey again. It was enough to hold both of her hands in his. “I can’t stay here, Rey. Not only will they not accept me, but I won’t fight to be there. I can’t be in a room of people whose lives I’ve destroyed and then go on living… living in a place that only reminds me of where I’ve come from.” 

Rey was looking into his eyes and nodding. “Honestly,” she started, “I don’t think I could ever convince them to let you stay. These people are not just my friends. They took me in when I had no one and nowhere to go.” She saw something reflected in his eyes, and rushed on, “But, Ben, I won’t leave you. Whatever happens, we do this together.” 

His voice softened again. “I won’t take you away from your family.” Rey was shaking her head, but he continued, “I didn’t intend to steal you away…to make you choose between us. That’s not fair.”

She waited until he had finished, but again her words rushed out of her. She was surprised at herself, that she hadn’t needed a moment to think about the situation. Maybe she had always known the answer. “There is no choice to be made. I’m staying with you, and Finn, Poe, and Rose will come around eventually. I know that when we leave here, we won’t be seeing them for the last time. I believe it.”

Ben was caught up in what Rey was saying, in how she steadied her voice for him, though he felt that she worried endlessly. She continued, “When we go back in there, I’m going to suggest exile from this system. We inhabit an outer rim for some time. We lay low. Eventually, as the Republic rebuilds, we can come back. I’m sure they could find a use for a couple of Jedi.”

The two of them walked back to the meeting room. Ben hated feeling the waves of worry ripple off of Rey. He wondered if he could minimize this feeling, absorb himself more in himself and stop feeling so much of what was emitting from her. He reasoned that perhaps that was what had gotten him into trouble in the first place. He just hoped he never had to feel her regret. 

There was silence when they opened the door. They both sat down. Rey noted that the room seemed a bit emptier than before. For one, she didn’t see Chewie anywhere. Finn, Poe, and Rose were still seated opposite them, but none of them would meet her eyes. She wondered if it had been wise to leave during such a heated discussion; if their absence had only made things worse. 

She spoke first. “Ben and I want to suggest a voluntary self-exile in the outer rim, for a period of 5—” she saw the looks around her, “10 years. No trial. No arguments. We could never explain the actions of Kylo Ren, and we want to make it clear that we’re not here to do that. We just ask that we can peacefully leave the base.” 

Finn started in his chair, “Leave?! Rey, you can’t mean you’re going with him?”

“Everyone here has welcomed me so graciously from the start. Finn, Poe, Rose…” But they wouldn’t meet her eyes, save for Finn who continued to look shocked. “Leia.” She finished. She forced herself to continue, “You will be busy building a Republic, and you’ll forget all about old Rey from Nowhere.” The name caused the memory of Luke to surface in her mind, and she smiled. 

But there was no response. No deliberation. General Dameron stood and addressed the rest of the table with nods. Rey stammered, “What—What’s happening?”

Dozens rose from their seats, moving toward the both of them. Rey and Ben stood up, but neither had their lightsabers with them. They were back in the medical unit, tucked into some drawer. She hadn’t thought this would be the place for them. General Dameron spoke authoritatively, “Rey Palpatine and Ben Solo: You are being detained by the power of the New Republic. A formal hearing will begin within 48 hours.” Arms tackled Rey and Ben’s own, and the two were restrained with the hiss of a metal device tying their wrists together. 

Rey looked toward Ben, panicked. Ben didn’t seem to react. His face was an emotionless mask, but she was furious. “What are you doing? Poe, think about this.” 

General Dameron responded evenly, “It’s already been decided. Take them to the holding cells.” Rey kept yelling as they were ushered away. She couldn’t believe that the people she had thought were her friends, who moments before she had described to Ben as her family, were now ushering her away, wrists tied, defenceless. She wanted to argue that just days ago, she was the hope of the resistance. But the door had been shut on them, and in just moments they were thrown into separate cells with sealed doors. She didn’t know if she or Ben would be able to use their force powers to tear the cells down, but as it was, she barely had the strength to hold a lightsaber. She knew that Ben was just as mentally exhausted as she was, and that any chance of their escape was minimal. 

Besides, these were her friends. She wasn’t about to fight any of these people that days ago, she was willing to die for. She sat motionless in her cell, wrapping her arms around her legs and folding into herself. Her mind tortured her with images of Finn’s shock and Poe’s steel features. Had she really sacrificed everyone who had ever helped her for the life she had imagined for her and Ben?

She had. She didn’t have the strength to cry. She thought that she should have just flown the two of them directly to the outer rim and taken her chances with whatever medical systems they had there. Because of her, they had tangled themselves with the rebel base, with the intensity of their fear. 

She took several breaths, trying to calm her own fear to sense Ben again. He was in the cell beside her, that much she knew. He appeared almost the instant she thought of him, a soft voice in her head. She sensed his calm, and the feeling washed over her. “Did you prod my mind while we were out there?” He asked, thoughtfully. 

She responded that she hadn’t, that she had been too into her own rage and confusion. He went on: “I believed you. I swear I saw it: our own ship. I would be your co-pilot,“ he grinned, “obviously. We’d trade and do odd jobs until we could afford a droid. Something that could keep up with us, of course. It would probably be a BB unit.” Rey had closed her eyes, intent on listening. Ben continued speaking slowly, “You would be the better trader, I’m sure of it. We wouldn’t always get what we were owed, maybe, but we’d manage with enough. I think I’d be the better navigator, though. I’ve been to so many beautiful planets, Rey. Rainforests so loud you can’t hear the person next to you and a tundra so cold that the wind sears your face and fields that overlook a sunset that lasts forever. I want to take you to every one of them.”

She felt the tears on his cheeks as if they were her own. She leant her head back to the cell wall and felt Ben as he did the same. She reached into his mind, and he let her. “I see it,” she said.


	4. Punch It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is maybe the second-last chapter of this fic. I'll be posting an epilogue-type chapter next to resolve a few things. I haven't decided yet if I want to start a new arc and write a bit about the pair's adventures post this whole rebel-base disaster. 
> 
> As always, let me know what you think in the comments! Thanks for reading!

Ben woke startled, again, and confused. He needed to stop waking up that way. His back was stiff from leaning against the cell wall. He yawned and stood with a great effort. He knew that in the cell beside him, Rey was still sleeping. He walked around his cell a few times, pacing as he thought. 

They couldn’t just wait here until someone came to bring them to their trial, alternating between fits of sleep and pain and imagining and reimagining moments that may never come to pass. He reached out with one palm toward the cell door, trying to focus enough to bring it down. He grunted with the effort of it, but it stayed immobile. He felt like it was mocking him. He moved closer, this time pressing both straight up again the cell door and concentrating all of his focus on it, already imagining it caving in and him sorting through the rubble. Something happened this time, and he was thrown backwards onto the hard floor. He groaned, laying as he had been tossed and reaching behind him to hold onto his already-aching back. 

That was the position he was in when the door opened hastily. It was hard to see the figure with the only light in the room coming from behind it, enclosed in a makeshift lantern. He was backlit, but after a moment of his eyes adjusting, Ben knew it was Finn. He didn’t think the two of them would get along very well. 

Finn exploded, “Rey?!” And looked around the cell. He looked down at his feet, and saw Ben still laying indisposed. “Oh.” He said. He looked at Ben with disdain, but the latter pretended it didn’t faze him. 

“Are you here to help us or to kill us?” Ben asked, his voice sounding unconcerned either way. 

Finn gritted his teeth. “We’re here to help. No one’s trying to kill you, Ren.” Ben ignored the name. “At least, we aren’t. Poe never would have gone through with the arrest, but the table was talking while you stormed out and…everyone was thinking much worse. We had to get you two out of there.” Finn extended a hand toward Ben, intent on helping him up. 

Ben was surprised by the shift in his attitude. He hadn’t seen it before, but perhaps this was what Rey had meant by these people being her family. They would disagree, but ultimately, they would support her. They would make sure she was safe. Ben hoped he could be the same for her. He took Finn’s hand gratefully, and with a pull was lifted to his feet. 

“Where are you planning on taking us?” Ben asked, and he had hoped his tone wasn’t accusatory. 

Finn looked around the cell. Ben wasn’t sure what he was looking for. When he spoke, his voice was lower than it needed to be: “There’s an ‘us’ now, huh?” 

And in just those words, Ben understood. He understood the revered animosity toward him, he understood the connection between Finn and Rey, he understood everything. He knew that the man in front of him had never intended to harm Rey. He also knew that he had never expected Rey to return with Ben, of all people, in her passenger’s seat. “We’re in each other’s heads.” He sounded almost like he was pleading, but he couldn’t say what for. “I didn’t know it then, or I thought it was Snoke or some other…” He waved his hand to explain. “But I know it now.”

Finn nodded, and Ben almost believed he meant the gesture genuinely. “I’m glad she’s not alone.” He said, and that seemed to end the conversation. But then—“Chewie, open up next door. We have to get moving.”

It hit Ben who the figure was behind the blinding light of the lantern. At first he lurched forward, as if pulled, to get a better look. Then, the unmistakeable long hair sprouting from everywhere, the black eyes—he found himself moving backward, slowly pushed up against the back wall of the cell. He heard Chewie’s low growl of assent, and it came to him all at once. 

“Ben?! Ben, what’s happening? Talk to me, Ben!” The shouts sounded only in his head, and they were coming from Rey. In the cell beside his own, Rey was clutching her head to quell the overwhelming moment of images. Or, not images exactly, she realized, but memories. But they were appearing hazy to Rey’s mind, and she couldn’t quite make out the figures. She wondered if that was the nature and limitation of their bond, or if she was intentionally being blocked out. 

Chewie and Finn carried on as if nothing was happening. Chewie unlocked Rey’s door, and in a moment they were all in the hallway of the prison quarters, Rey throwing her arms around the two in thanks. She gave Ben a half-smile, though he continued to sense her unease. She muttered, “I told you I had friends,” and the four were off, down the hall and back up to the meeting room barracks. 

When they passed, Rey hissed, “Our lightsabers!” and the group scurried back in the direction they had come. They turned right down a hallway and almost burst directly into the medical unit, but Chewie held out his arm to halt them. There was a faint humming coming from within. 

Ben peaked through the window in the door. There was a nurse in there, shuffling back and forth, preparing the bed for its next occupant. She had set down a basket full of dirty laundry and had begun stripping down the sheets on Ben’s former bed. Her back was turned to the door. Cautiously, Ben put his hand on the door handle. He eased it open ever so slowly and extended out his right hand. 

Rey and Finn looked at each other. Nothing happened. Rey covered his hand with her own and in an instant, the cabinet he had been pointing at jimmied open. Behind the nurse’s back, two lightsabers raised into the air and slowly drifted toward the open door. Both Rey and Ben caught their own and in an instant they were back down the hallway again, this time headed for the barracks’ exit. 

The day was just breaking outside. The whole of the barracks were empty, or at least it looked that way to Ben. He guessed that people were still recovering from the fight, still tending to their wounds or their loved ones. Rey, Ben, and Finn struggled to keep up with Chewie’s long strides. The group moved quickly, both not wanting to draw attention to themselves but also needing to be off as soon as possible. Ben still didn’t know exactly where they were going, but he had a guess or two as they rounded a corner and approached the ships’ docking area.

Ben looked at Rey, to find her already looking at him. It was a strange look. There was hope there—so much hope. But there was also something like a nervousness, and not just because they were breaking out of the rebel base. It was nervousness toward him. He didn’t know how to handle knowing her every emotion. Sometimes it was good, and he could feel the comfort she felt in him mirroring his own comfort in her presence. Other times, though, he noticed an edge to the feelings. A fear. A nervousness. He didn’t want Rey to feel these things, for one, but he also recognized that they were intensely personal feelings, and mostly uncontrollable. They were in each other’s heads, for better or for worse it seemed. He didn’t want to shut her out, but he feared her reactions to some of his thoughts. 

They rounded another corner, passing the smaller fighters, and in an instant, both Rey and Ben understood. Chewie was leading them, and hadn’t even looked back to gauge their reactions, but Finn turned to Rey. He looked between Ben and Rey, looking somewhat apologetic: “It was Chewie’s idea.” He said. “I think…” There was a pause. “I think Leia would’ve wanted it too.”

It was the Millenium Falcon. Rey could tell from the smell that it had been freshly waxed, though it looked as if it hadn’t been cleaned in decades. She smiled widely, launching herself at Finn to give him yet another hug. The two lingered in the hug, and Rey whispered something in his hear that Ben forced himself not to listen in on. 

Rey then turned to Ben. In her look was a question: Is this okay? He answered by nodding. He couldn’t really speak right now. The ship in front of them was full of so many memories from his childhood. He was forcing himself to keep them at bay. He was forcing himself to forget the look in his father’s eyes when he ran his lightsaber through him. It wasn’t an easy thing to forget. 

Rey gave Chewie another hug. She thanked him profusely and looked between Chewie and Finn one last time. Ben felt rather awkward just standing there. He knew he didn’t belong here, with her friends, and he wasn’t so sure he belonged on that ship either. 

Finn reached into his jacket and handed something to Rey. It looked like a folded note. “This is from Poe.” He cleared his throat. “You guys better get going, before the sun comes up fully and people start asking questions.”

Rey nodded, seeming too overcome to say much else. “This isn’t goodbye.” She said, “I know we’ll see each other again, when things are different.” 

“I’m sure of it.” Finn said, and with one last noise from Chewie, Rey turned and ascended the Falcon’s ramp. 

Ben trailed behind her, just for a moment. He didn’t meet Finn nor Chewie’s eyes, but said a quick, “Thank you,” before turning. Chewie made a sound, and Ben was startled into turning around again. He couldn’t help but smile, “I don’t remember that.” He said, and with a grin, was back up the ramp again. The ramp door closed, and Ben found Rey already in the pilot’s seat, flicking on controls. 

Wordlessly, the two buckled their restraints. In a few seconds, the Falcon had lifted into the air. Ben was looking down out the window, already seeing people emerge from their barracks. But they were safe now. He knew that.   
He looked at Rey and found her beaming. She looked at home here, among all these controls. They were soon off the planet and lifted into space. Rey flicked a few controls, setting them onto autopilot, and they drifted along. 

“Where should we go?” Rey asked

Ben thought of all the planets he had come across, “Somewhere on the outer rim…” He noted her reaching into her cloak and pulling out the folded piece of paper. “Somewhere like Batuu, maybe?” 

“Batuu.” Rey repeated. She had heard of the planet only once before, when Leia had sent one of the rebel spies, Vi, to explore it. She didn’t know much else about it. She opened the piece of paper. 

It was mostly blank. In the middle of the page, in the fancy script of Poe’s handwriting read two simple words: Punch it. 

Rey smiled, and leaned over the console to Ben. She put her hand on his chin and tilted him closer to her until they kissed. Ben had let go of the controls, reaching to touch Rey in any way that he could. With her other hand, she reached onto the control board and shifted the hyperspace lever.


	5. Reborn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter!!! 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading and commenting, everyone! This was a story that had been running around my mind ever since TROS and I just had to get it out. I hope you enjoyed it!

They had left the Falcon on autopilot for a few moments as Rey left the room to get some bandages for Ben. Rey knew from experience how much help a fresh bandage could be on a persistent wound. While she was off sorting through supply closets, Ben sat on bed-like station at the far end of the room. He removed his shirt, slowly, careful not to go too close to the bandages already wrapped around his abdomen. He didn’t know exactly, but if he had to guess, he was nursing a few broken ribs. That had been quite the fall. 

He discarded his shirt beside him, hunching over to look at his hands. He avoided looking around the room--really looking around it. It seemed to him that every inch was full of an equally painful and exhilarating memory. There, in the corner, was Ben as a child sitting on Han’s lap as he was finally allowed to steer the ship. Over there, closer still, was Leia tightening Ben into one of the restraints as they prepared to take off. He didn’t let himself dwell on the memory, but he knew for certain that he had never been very good at keeping still.

He forced the memories out of his head as Rey entered the room, carrying a small box of bandages and pins. She was silent, but she gave him a strange look, as if she knew what he had been thinking of and was unsure whether she could bring it up delicately. She must have decided to do away with the thought, because in a moment her eyes were back on him, and her face was back to smiling. 

She took a seat. Her fingers hovered over his old bandage, and she tried to brace him for what was to come. “I expect this will hurt.” She mumbled. 

He couldn’t help but laugh. “Thank you for your honesty.” And then her fingers were on his abdomen, a soft touch that unclasped the bandages. Holding them, she unraveled the cloth around his body. She tried to hide her grimace when she saw the scar but was unsuccessful. Ben looked for himself. 

He thought it looked worse than it felt—and it didn’t feel great. He only glanced at the wound, trying instead to focus his attention on the delicate touch of Rey’s fingers. She fumbled through the box for a new wrap, eventually finding one and starting to spin it around him again. At one point, her fingers slipped and brushed the bruising. He inhaled sharply, the pain rising and closing his throat. She jumped backwards. 

“That was…”

“Strange.” He said. He looked at her almost apologetically. “You felt that?”

She nodded. She scooted back over, the wrap still half in her hands. “It’s like, ever since that day—” She didn’t have to specify. “—our connection has only gotten stronger. Everything I feel…everything I think…I feel you in my mind with me.”

Ben leveled his gaze at her. They were both thinking about the same moment, but neither brought it up. The moment when he first saw Chewie. The moment when he shut her out. 

She continued, “It’s going to take a bit of getting used to, I expect.” She resumed her work, securing his bandage again. She sorted all the supplies away in the box, but neither was in a rush to leave the bed. 

Ben reached out, his hand coming up to touch her cheek. “Thank you.”

Rey gave him a look. “It was really nothing.”

He broke into a smile, “Not this. I just mean…”

“I know what you mean.” She said. “I’m in your head too, remember?” She leaned in for a kiss, and the two shared a moment of soft lips and short breaths. Ben’s hand moved from Rey’s cheek to her hips, pulling her closer to him. She let herself be guided. He moved his kisses to her neck and down to the exposed areas of her chest. She couldn’t deny that it felt good and that she wanted him to do it, but she forced herself to speak out, “Ben,” she said, a single, hesitant syllable. 

He slowed, placing one last kiss on her chest. Again, they were both thinking about that same moment, but neither wanted to acknowledge it. “I was trying to avoid that.”

“I know.” Rey whispered. “We don’t have to talk about everything.” She clasped both his hands in hers. He wasn’t looking at her; he was staring at a spot beyond her, near the co-pilot’s seat. “Normally, we wouldn’t be in the situation where one of us has seen the other’s memories. Given that we are…I don’t want there to be anything we keep from each other.”

Ben was still staring. He nudged his chin in that direction. “Han,” he nearly choked getting the name out, “Han would never let me pilot. Not in a million years. But sometimes, when he was sleeping in the back, Chewie would let me be his co-pilot. We kept it from everyone. It was our little secret.” A pause. “I’m almost certain he switched on some kind of child-safety lock or something and I never actually drove. But for a moment I remember feeling like my dad.” 

His gaze shifted back to Rey. He didn’t have tears in his eyes; they were filled with a much deeper pain. “Seeing Chewie again brought back memories. It was a flood of good memories I didn’t want you to see. You once asked me how I could kill a father that gave a damn about me.” Rey looked at him impassively. She had once asked Kylo Ren that, that was true. But this was a different sort of man before her now. “That question haunts me every day.”

“You don’t have to hide any part of yourself from me. Or your past. I know you, Ben Solo. Let me in.” He nodded. She sealed the deal with another kiss, this time a much sweeter one. As they kissed, the memory Ben had spoken of flooded into her mind. It was Ben, maybe four or five years old, making vroom! vroom! noises as he pressed random controls and moved the wheel this way and that. Oh, yeah, she thought loud enough for him to hear, definitely child-proof. 

Against his lips, she whispered: “When we get to Batuu, there’s no past for us to run from. I promise we can be anyone we like,” and with thoughts of a new life that they would create together before them, Rey helped Ben up. 

“Might as well leave the shirt off,” she reasoned, and the two laughed as they flicked a few switches, readying the landing procedures.


End file.
